The Milf, the Mime and the Maniac/Transcript

This article is a transcript of The Milf, the Mime and the Maniac. Since it has been transcripted properly, the article is protected as there is no need for further edits. [ Disclaimer read by Ash ]

Delia: Ahh...after ten years of raising that son of a bitch...we finally get the relaxation we deserve! Isn't that right honey?

Mr. Mime: Getting you pregnant was a mistake.

Ash: Mom! Dad! I finally found you guys!

Delia: How many times do we have to tell you this?! Me and daddy are on our second honey-moon! And you're supposed to be with the old man we pawned you off on! Remember? This is where you'll be staying for eight years! I MEAN DAYS!

Ash: Bring me back a little brother!

Professor Oak: This chocolate actually came from a Tauros...But you shouldn't be able to tell the difference!

Delia: Look! The nice old man even celebrates Easter!

Ash: Easter...

Professor Oak: Why don't you hold on to this? It's starting to smell.

Delia: And if anything comes up...You don't have my number!

Professor Oak: Oh okay, Wait, WHAT?!

[Intro Sequence]

Title Card read by Ash: The Milf, the Mime and the Maniac!

Ash: Thanks for holding on to my Easter egg, Mom!

Delia: I don't like the idea of you carrying this Tauros shit around...

Taros: HEY!

Mr. Mime: Hey look! A fruit market!

Ash: But Mom, I don't like fruit.

Delia: And that's why I'm gonna shove it down your throat!! I hope these have a giant pit!

Ash: I'm going exploring! BYE!

Delia: He's gone...

Mr. Mime: Hotel-room...NOW!

Ash: *whew* I thought we'd never outrun that killer clown! *panting noises*

Pikachu: Well, you're the one who threw the rock at him...

Ash: Huh? What's this way? Wow! This is the best McDonald's Playpark I've ever seen!

Pikachu: This is clearly an Arby's Playpark!

Ash and Pikachu: THIS IS GONNA BE TOTALLY AWESOME!!

Ash: Huh?

Pikachu: Holy crap...she's hot!

Ash: Just look at those legs!

Pikachu: NO! Not the trainer, her Pokémon! Wait...None of them even have legs...Just little feet stubs...

Ash: So it's a double-date! Let's go!

Pikachu: #TheNeed2Breed!

Lillie: Watch out!!

Ash: Watch out for what? There's nothing even...THERE!!!

Mallow: Oh shit! Another pedestrian?

Lillie: Are you okay?

Ash: Oh...I hurt all over...But in a good way! Anyways, where do you wanna go for dinner?

Lillie: I don't even know you! But I did see your Tinder profile...It...was pretty good...

Mallow: Hey! You alright? Is there something I can give you so you don't sue me for that? That would be the third time this month!

Ash: Yeah! If any of those Tauros lay an egg, let me have it!

Lana: So you're single and ready to mingle?

Mallow: No dumbass, he's obviously a new stu-

Ash: I'm Ash Ketchum, and I'm looking for babes! Right Pikachu?

Pikachu: The brochure lied about all the girls wearing bikinis on this island...

Ash: Wow...This play park is bigger than I thought! Where do I order?

Mallow: Actually it's a school.

Ash: Really?

Mallow: Yeah, let me show you around.

Lana: So I guess they're a thing now.

Lillie: Damn! I liked him.

Ash: Wow! It's like a real-life Animal Crossing museum. Where's that stupid owl?

Rowlet: F*ck. you.

Ash: This place is awesome! The only thing that could make this better is if my parents were here...

Mr. Mime: Aw shit!

Delia: Aw, hell no! Why are you here too!?

Principal Oak: Welcome, Satoshi!

Ash: Who the hell is Satoshi?! I'm Ash.

Principal Oak: That's a very nice name, Sacha.

Mallow: I guess you're not a student after all. Sorry!

Ash: Actually, my mom just paid an eight year tuition for me, whatever the hell that is.

Professor Oak: Hey, cuz, thanks for taking that air freshener off my hands.

Principal Oak: As soon as I get over this cold, I can't wait to smell it!

Mallow: If you don't mind, I'm gonna show Ash around some more!

Ash: Hey, let's go play down there!!

Mallow: Why don't we just play with each other up here?

Professor Kukui: Hey! What the hell are you two up to?

Mallow: Oh my God, it's him!

Ash: What's so special about him?

Mallow: Just that he's the sexiest teacher in the whole school!

Ash: What's so sexy about him?

Mallow: Imagine if I went around with an open shirt like that.

Ash: I see your point...

Professor Kukui: Yo the whole schools talking about you two. I just got a text asking when the wedding is.

Ash: Well I haven't proposed to Lillie yet, and I think Mallow here is too scared to propose to Lana.

Mallow: WHAT!?!?!

Ash: Uh...what's going on down there?

Team Skull Leader: Yo get the f**k outta the street, dawg. You're crampin' our style, bitch.

Kiawe: I thought I told you if I saw you're boney asses around here again, I'd have Charizard cremate you!

Team Skull Leader: You think we're scared of orange Barney over there?

Kiawe: You were last time...

Ash: The hell is going on here?

Mallow: Those are former students that got expelled because they started a fire.

Ash: How'd they start the fire?

Mallow: Meth lab...

Team Skull Leader: Let's settle this like men!

Kiawe: That's not politically correct. There's a woman among you.

Team Skull Grunt: There's a what?

Kiawe: Never mind...

Team Skull Leader: The people at Petco said these where the strongest Pokémon they had.

Ash: I'm not going to let you cyberbully him anymore!

Team Skull Leader: Huh?

Kiawe: Who are you?

Ash: I'm Ash Ketchup, and I'm looking for babes!

Kiawe: Who? Anyways. get out of the way!

Mallow: Ash, you're gonna get killed out there!!!

Ash: Don't worry! I've defeated grunts like these around 940 times! Give or take a few specials...

Kiawe: I like your attitude! Go, Gamera!

Gamera: *monster roar*

Ash: Go, Pikachu!

Pikachu: Finally! Some action!

Salandits: You cannot stop the fiesta-trio!

Pikachu: Hate to say it, but I'm the only party Pokémon around here!

Yungoos: Everyone, bite that turtle!! No one saw that coming...

Ash: I LOVE THIS GUY!!

Team Skull Leader: HIT 'EM WITH A FLAMETAIL!!

Salandit: *RAWR!*

Ash: Pikachu! Dodge that! Wait...that will hit me! AUGH!

Salandit: *wilhelm scream*

Kiawe: I'll finish this!

Ash: Huh? Wow, that move was cool! Even if it only left a three foot crater, and the Pokémon are still alive!

Team Skull Leader: This isn't the last you'll see of us!

Lillie: Impressive Ash! You should stay here! Lana: Wow! That was so cool you guys! Mallow: Wow Ash, you were so awesome!

Professor Kukui: You did good kid! Ya got moxy!

Ash: Sweet! Cause I'm Foxy Loxy! Ouph! Last night was awesome mom! I don't even remember which girl I was with!

Delia: Well, the Ketchum family has to grow somehow! But if you make me a grandma at this age, I'll kill you! Heheh!

Ash: So you and dad just left without saying goodbye?!

Delia: We just wanted to get away from getting away! Also, your father isn't wearing clothes again...Not that I'm complaining!

Ash: Augh! I don't need to see his reproductive organs again! Bye mom! Have fun with dad!!

Narrator: Having narrowly avoided seeing his own father's genitals...again...Ash runs off to the school, to have an adventure! What awaits him? Whatever it is, it's probably f**ked up!